Micro #MovieReview: The Loft

This review is SPOILER-FREE.  🙂

Oh………..my……………gawd…………….

My jaw is still sore from hitting the floor so many times.

The_Loft_Szenenbilder_08.300dpiI’m going to be honest with you all here because I feel like we have a good relationship where I can just open up to you about anything.

If this movie had been about a cross-dressing Wall Street broker who liked to spend his spare time herding eels coated in Vaseline, I still would have watched it because, quite frankly, I want to do dirty, dirty things to Karl Urban.

Shameful things.

Things that are illegal in at least twelve countries.

Maybe thirteen….

Sorry.  Got distracted.

downloadOf course, The Loft is nothing like the ridiculous plot line I mentioned above.  The basic premise is The Loft is this:  Five dudes all share ownership of a loft apartment so they have a discreet place to go to bang chicks who are not their wives.  The movie opens with one of them showing up to find a dead and bloody chick handcuffed to the headboard and no sign of forced entry.

To set the stage a bit, when watching this movie, I was all by my onesie in my bedroom.  There are some plot twists in this movie that had me yelling “NO FUCKING WAY!!!” at my television.  Yes, me, a grown-ass adult, yelling at my TV.  I’m a writer.  I look for oncoming plot twists whether I am reading a book or watching a movie.  I can usually spot shit coming a mile off, and when a twist floors me the way two in particular did, I am beyond impressed.

The only thing that I could see being an issue with some viewers of this movie is there is a lot of time jumping – present, then past, then further in the past, then present, and so on and so on.  It wasn’t an issue for me, but I could see it confusing some people.  Trust me, just stick with it.  It’s so worth it.

Now my favorite part.

Karl Urban gets naked.

That’s right, bitches.

You read that right.

He gets starkers.

You only see his booty, but the little strip show is worth it anyway:

 strip-01 strip-02 tumblr_nlnmvs8jDl1qgt5zqo4_250

*faints and falls face-first on the floor*

Two thumbs up and bonus points for the mostly nude shot of my future ex-husband!!!

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